A Sphincter in Need

I am a copy-catter and thief. I stole this meme from Rozanne. I avoid memes, but I had to know what this one turned up for me. You plug your name into Google, followed by "needs." So, for me, the search was "Sphincter needs." Yes, I used Sphincter.

Sphincter needs:

Sphincter needs improvement

Sphincter needs to be separately repaired

Sphincter needs a simple in-and-out catheterization

A hypertensive Sphincter needs to be interpreted with caution

Sphincter needs to be massaged

I think this is all a sound assessment, though preferably I would skip the catheterization bit. Also, should I become hypertensive, I hope others do interpret me with caution.

If you decide to try it, I hope you'll share with me what you discover. Will you need a toupee? Orange juice? Or merely a psychic reading?